The journey to school begins long before the first bell rings and for many neurodivergent (ND) families, the preparation for the upcoming school year is a carefully orchestrated process that starts even before the previous school year ends. Holly takes us on an adventure into the world of back-to-school preparations that go beyond the standard checklist. In this blog, we’ll explore the intricacies of transitioning into the school routine in an ND household, shedding light on the special considerations and strategies that make this journey smoother. We’ve got practical tips on creating a dedicated study space, facilitating friendships, and employing mindfulness and relaxation techniques. We’ll even touch on the sensory exploration of school supplies, ensuring your child is familiar and comfortable with their tools of learning. So, whether you’re a seasoned ND parent or just starting this unique journey, let’s embark on this adventure together, laying the groundwork for a successful and joyful school year ahead!
…back-to-school preparation in ND households, like most things, requires a lot of consideration and planning. However, the effort of establishing these supportive strategies early is well worth it, as you are setting your kids and yourselves up for an empowered beginning to the new school year.
Making the transition back to school in a neurodivergent (ND) family takes a fair bit more preparation than just a trip to the stationary shop. While I never say the words ‘back to school prep’ to my children, so as not to spark anxiety, I begin preparation early. ND brains take longer to prepare themselves and feel comfortable with routine and also benefit from the decreased cognitive load automatic routines provide. This means that in our household I begin preparing for school again on January 1st, so that come January 29th heading back to school is as smooth as it can be.
Here’s what preparing for school looks like in my house (with primary-aged ND kids).
Visual schedules, rhythms and routines
Keeping the order of our daily tasks consistent throughout the holidays (even if the pace is slower) helps to maintain a sense of rhythm and harmony in our home. Consistency allows my children to learn how to manage their own ‘morning jobs’ and ‘evening jobs’ and gives them a sense of autonomy. This does require a little admin on my behalf, such as writing the next day’s activities on a whiteboard in the bag area each afternoon. This helps my children practise thinking through what might be needed for various activities and assists them for example, in practising the mechanics of zipping up bags and finding hats in a low-stress, no time-pressure context. Practising the skills required for school (for example, packing bags and getting dressed) without the pressure of getting out the door by a certain time makes these jobs easier to get through once school returns. It is similar to having weeks of rehearsals before a big show, time pressure can feel like an audience of thousands. It also gives me vital information about how long these jobs realistically take and how much adult input is required so that I am not expecting tasks to take 10 minutes when they really take 45. As an ND mother, this is essential for my planning as well, because it’s not only my children who suffer from time blindness. Having timers and ways to record how long preparation actually takes helps me keep track of these things so that I am able to plan realistically.
Clock coordination
If you are as lucky as me to have an ND child with a special interest in time, this task is easily delegated to your enthusiastic little timekeeper. ND households really need a clock (no, not a phone) that is visible in every room where ‘getting ready’ takes place. The clocks also need to be properly synced. Thinking you are running to schedule only to walk into the next room to discover you are 5 minutes behind is the kind of mind-flip your ND brains really don’t need in the mornings. Deal with this now, you won’t regret it.
Emotional preparation through role-play
Engaging in role-playing activities to simulate various school scenarios can help ND children practise social interactions, navigate common situations, and build confidence in a safe environment. It doesn’t have to be formal or boring. It can be done while playing Lego, Barbie, Minecraft or whatever your kids like to do. Other options are recording Toca Boca videos together of various possible dynamics, making a comic strip or discussing things casually while making a cake together. The key is giving your child opportunities to mentally rehearse situations in ways that feel non-threatening. This should not be a lecture, it needs to be fun. We want to create opportunities for our children to practise social dynamics while they are also feeling happy, safe and comfortable. It won’t work if you take over their special game with ‘Now let’s practise for school’. First, you need to build trust in being worth playing with by engaging in your child’s special interests on their terms. Then, slowly, more complex ideas can be introduced into your play.
A safe space of one’s own
Establishing or redecorating a dedicated reading, homework or study area at home helps give your child a sense of calm for the upcoming year. Knowing they will have what they need and know where to find it helps children feel prepared. My kids love labels so everything gets a label so that all items can be easily located and put away. Again, I call this our ‘New Year clean’, not ‘back-to-school’ preparation. We call it our ‘New Year clean’, not just to avoid anxiety triggers, but so that my children and I both remember that preparation and organisation is a life skill, and even something potentially enjoyable, rather than something we do because external demands require it. Involving your child to help you personalise the space with their favourite sensory-friendly items like fidget tools, comfortable seating, or soft lighting, provides a calming environment for focused work, or calming down after the intensity of school. Have them ‘own’ their space using their favourite colours or a diffuser with carefully chosen essential oils that they identify as good for their nervous system. Practise using this space as a calm, welcoming and relaxing space to return to after outings. We refer to ours as a ‘quiet island’ that allows my kids to decompress after the inputs of the world.
Social storytelling
Personalised social stories can easily be created using ND special interests, quickly and easily, using online artificial intelligence tools like ChatGPT. Need a story about self-care when facing overwhelming sensory inputs, using The Marvel Universe, Star Wars or Frozen? Maybe you need a simple story for a 5-year-old about completing their morning routine using puppy dogs? Simply type in your requirements and your target age to a chatbot and watch it create the perfect resources to tap into your ND child’s special interests. This approach can help ND kids understand and cope with new situations and help them mentally rehearse while keeping them engaged through their special interest. If the story isn’t quite right, you can copy it to your clipboard and edit it as you see fit.
Facilitating friendships
This can be some of the most complex preparation that ND families face. Using school holidays as an opportunity to facilitate connections with classmates through holiday play dates can be difficult but there are a few things that can make it go smoother. Ideally, before school closes down for the year, reach out to your child’s teacher for the next year (or if you don’t know who they are yet, the previous year’s teacher or the school counsellor) and establish that you are trying to assist your child in developing healthy friendships and ask them to guide you towards any children they have seen as a potential friendship ‘match’ for your child. Recognise that finding friends is like dating. There are going to be bad (play) dates. There also might be ones that are promising but go nowhere. This is all okay. When you do find a match and it works, it will be worth it. Consider where the play date should occur (for my kids it works best at our house but that takes a fair bit of my effort to coordinate our house not being a total mess) and plan a central activity. ND kids don’t always have the skills to just ‘free-play’ without some kind of focus/warm-up. I like to think of this as being similar to an icebreaker. Nothing that requires too much focus or complexity but enough to take the focus off the children being required to negotiate and generate all the ideas. Be mindful of when play dates are scheduled in regards to the time of day and what other activities you have on. Play dates are potentially quite draining for ND children. Also, asking my partner or mother to do something special with my other child while I focus on the play date for their sibling is useful when my children are establishing friendships.
It is unlikely that your child will also be invited over to their friend’s house as a reciprocal invitation and this isn’t personal. In this day and age, lots of families prefer to not have people over to their homes. There are a myriad of reasons for this, and it needs to drop off your list of concerns. Drop the expectation of there being equal or reciprocal invitations and just see being the host more times than most as part of the many ways you support your child through the social skill of friendship-making.
Mindfulness and relaxation techniques
Ironically, it’s easiest to teach simple mindfulness and relaxation exercises to help manage stress and anxiety when you don’t need them. Breathing exercises or short mindfulness breaks can be incorporated into the daily routine to promote emotional wellbeing and the best time to establish these routines is when you are most relaxed. Taking the time to learn these skills when you don’t really need them will be a brilliant way to prepare for school.
Sensory exploration
If you can, getting your stationery list early and even getting a few extras of the items on the required list is a good thing to do. That way, your child can get used to the way a particular pen handles, or a particular marker smells before it is all ‘new’ at school. Having consistent supplies at home and school can support your child’s nervous system by providing them with familiarity when they are in the school environment. If your child is required to wear a uniform, you want to be trying it on as soon as possible, for example, wearing the shoes prior to commencing school. That way, you will have the chance to observe and make adjustments to any elements that require adjusting, now. The first day of school does not need to be given extra complications through the sensory impact of new clothes. Pre-wash everything before your children wear them. New clothing stinks, it is stiff and scratchy. You know your child’s triggers, try to preempt them by adapting uniforms prior to their first try on. ND children have a way of latching on to their first impressions and if their initial experience of the uniform is overwhelming, it’s hard to convince them to change their perception.
Back-to-school preparation in ND households, like most things, requires a lot of consideration and planning. However, the effort of establishing these supportive strategies early is well worth it, as you are setting your kids and yourselves up for an empowered beginning to the new school year. We all want our ND children to approach the new school year with enthusiasm and confidence and these tools are the way to establish that. Remember, every child is unique, so tailor these ideas to suit individual needs and preferences. Here’s to a successful and joyful school year ahead! Good luck! Love, Holly
11 JANUARY 2024
WRITTEN BY HOLLY KARTEN
ND PARENT | EDUCATOR
Social story template
Use our free downloadable social story template and follow the video instructions provided to guide you in developing your own personalised social stories. Using two free and easy-to-use platforms – ChatGPT for the words and Canva for the images and printable layout – you can support your child in comprehending and processing new situations in an engaging and visual way.